Issues can represent fundamental differences in values. Take the case where Barbara believes that her husband’s spending is irresponsible. She grew up in a home where her dad had been through the Great Depression of the 1920’s and 30’s. He worked when he could and supporting his family was a major challenge. To him, saving meant being able to prevent the hardships of the past. So Barbara believes, like her dad, that being responsible when you are married means being like her dad and saving for the rainy days. Barbara is married to Mitchell. Mitchell grew up in a home where his dad worked all the time. While they never wanted for anything, all Mitchell ever wanted was to have his dad spend time with him doing things to get her, going fishing, fixing his bike or going over math homework. When Mitchell was 12, his dad was killed in a car accident. So when Mitchell got married, money wasn’t the main issue, it was spending time with his children and if he spent some money to accomplish that goal, so be it. So Barbara and Mitchell frequently quarrel about spending and saving. Their dreams are in conflict. To solve problems that are basically “unsolvable”, contact Dr. Kovner right now to learn more.
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